Little Brown Pen

I love seeing the photos that Little Brown Pen load onto their blog. 

Their colour co-ordination and their beautiful images of Paris take my breath away.

Today I was catching up on some of my blog reading when I found these 'snow bird' images. 

I love birds. 

There can be such simplicity and complexity in them.

 I just *love* these shots. 

Check out the image of the 'snow fight'!

It makes me want to move to a place which has snow.

I would love these images on my wall at home. 

(Hmmm, lots of love statements today... images via little brown pen)

Only 2 and a half weeks to go!

My time has flown and today I realised that there is only two and a half weeks until we run the Kids Fun Days at church. I've been really busy over the last 5 weeks, but I can feel that the work load is going to be stepping up a couple of notches for the next couple of weeks!


God give me strength!!!!

Stormy Skies

The sky is ever changing.

The corner of Pennant Hills Rd and Loch Maree Ave at Thornleigh regularly has amazing skyscapes. 

Here are a couple I have seen in the last couple of weeks.

Truly amazing.

Christmas Bouquet

More Christmas Baking

I've been enjoying remembering my grandmother this Christmas. She passed away in July. I had hoped that she would see me get married (one day), but I have been so blessed to have her in my life as long as she was.


I've been making her Truffles this Christmas (this is officially batch number 3) and having sweet memories of when I would make them with Grandma as a little girl. 


I love her so much.

Deep thoughts

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".

Erma Bombeck

When I read this statement on one of the blogs I followed, my first thought was, 'did the person who wrote this actually understand the eternal implications of what they were saying.'

Then I thought, 'did the person who blogged this statement understand the eternal implications of the statement that they loved.'

(Now I'm thinking - I am a bit of a cynic!)

But the next thought drove deeper into my conscious: do I fully accept the physical and eternal implications of this statement.

I could say to myself, 'that's nice' 

or I could choose to let the statement speak to the tumult of emotions that I have been experiencing in the last year.

It isn't that unusual to be talking with a friend about something that I've done or made and they have said, "you could make a living out of that." God has blessed me with many things I can do and like to do. 

Yet, I wonder... do I use everything God has given me?

The fact is, yes, to some degree I do use everything that God has given me. The deeper reality is that I don't know if I adequately use the things that God has given me. My heart and mind get pulled in many directions with all the things I can do. 

My heart would love to follow some of my creative inclinations in a career.

My heart wishes and dreams of using all my gifts in loving a family, cultivating them and growing with them.

My heart and head says you have a gift working with children, and sharing the truth of God and helping them grow spiritually is the best thing you can be doing. Focus on that.

Yet, the reality is I always come back to feeling... 

... it would be nice to be a florist or stylist

... it would be lovely to have a means by which to cultivate my culinary delights

... it would be lovely to take my life and transport it to the UK or Europe and experience life there

... would the right man look at me and love me if I was doing something different

These things are not the focus of my life all the time. Just dreams that have sat in my heart for years.

Occasionally things I see

or hear

or read

blow the dust off my dreams, bringing that bud into full-bloom again.

But just like with a rose in full bloom, 

a windy day

a unthoughtful knock

or a swirling breeze can blow the petals away,

that dream comes to nothing. 

There is nothing to make it live 

or thrive

or grow.

The reality is normality. 

A normality with only little sunshines in its journey. 

Sometimes, 

it hurts so much to have dreams that come to nothing

that I wonder why I bother to have them at all.

Christmas time is coming!

One of my favourite activities to do in the lead up to Christmas is baking!!!!

I LOVE my mum's Christmas Cake recipe. 

One cake usually weighs over 2 kgs, so in the last two years I have bought some lovely smaller tins

 and found that it makes two smaller cakes perfectly. 

This year there was a little bit left in the bottom of my BIG Donna Hay Bowl 

and so I pulled out a ramekin made a beautiful Mini-Christmas Cake!

Here you can see it just after I've pulled it out of the oven. 

I've poured brandy over it, and it is bubbling away :)

Spider Spinners

I look at my blog and feel like I haven't been blogging well for the last few weeks. I've felt quite low since I said goodbye to him. Things just haven't seemed as bright. 


Today, I ran a prop making day in at church for the Kids Outreach program in January. I only had a couple of people come to help. It was encouraging that there were those few, I was a bit worried that there wouldn't be any, yet it was disappointing that there weren't any more either. However, as a result I have the letterbox drop sorted out. It was great that I could give very a brief explanation to one of the guys and he could do it with very little help.  I have a feeling that I should get some more brochures printed. 
I then had the two guys who were there figure out how to seal a plastic tube to make miniature bottles and and make a tiny boat that can fit inside. We found an origami boat that looks like it will work well and we are still trying to seal up the bottles. I'll try to get some pictures up soon (everything is better with pictures). 
Finally, I had the girls work together to make over 100 craft bags for Spider spinners. They will be used as a teaching craft on the final day of the program. It was encouraging to bring a box filled with ready-made craft bags for this activity into my office. 
One down, another 4 or 5 (times 120) to go!


Now I'm packing up the mess and have to decide if I will play in the church Orchestra that is going to Hope Street to play Christmas carols. I've been see-sawing about doing it all week. I haven't felt a really passion to do it this year. Maybe it has something to do with the grieving process. 


I still miss Geoff. Massively.


Today, I wished I had been able to talk through the things we were preparing to get his logical mind to work on it. He always finds the best solution or verifies that I have worked out the right solution. It would have been even better to have him here helping out. Either way, it was not and will not happen. Unless by some miracle he decides to talk with me and try to work this all out. I need to trust that God is in control of this - even though it hurts and is a great disappointment (even expected disappointments hurt).

Review Goal Session #1

Yes, today was the last in the first 9 weeks (it has actually been a little longer) of the Vision Personal Training Program. This meant I had to have a final weigh-in for the 9 weeks and have a whole heap of  other measurements taken.

Well, I was surprised to find I had lost 2 kilos over the last week, which means I have lost 10 kilos over the last 10 weeks or so. My blood pressure had been hyper-tensive when I started the program, but is currently perfectly normal and I've lost
10cms from my chest and hips.

It has been a tough road, with some rough trips along the way (falling down the stairs at the gym last week really didn't help).
So, I doubled the expected weight loss that the program allocated. I should feel like jumping up and down, but I just don't feel like it.

One of those days

So today has been one of those days. I went to sleep feeling bad last night and woke up feeling the same way. I have really wanted to contact Geoff and been really struggling with the fact that I can't and I have to stop loving him. To try and distract my mind, I decided to get up and go get coffee. I did this, but found that it didn't help my thought life at all. After coming back (and nearly texting him), I felt the only way I was going to do something productive was to get out of the house. So I showered, got dressed and drove to Hornsby station. I bought a return ticket to the city, thinking it had been a long time since I'd been. If I could cope with the heat I would walk through Hyde Park or the Botanical Gardens, if not, the QVB would be beautiful this time of year.


I was pleased to find a train to the city leaving in 10 mins. As I was a little early I waited on the train, only to hear two messages. Firstly, the train has been delayed, and then emergency evacuation of Hornsby Station! This was no drill, as when we arrived at the entrance of the station there were a dozen police turning people away, not only from the trains but with the instruction to leave the station and go to the mall. I found myself sick to the stomach and faint for the next hour. Going to the city never happened. 


Once I could stand up for more than 2 minutes without feeling like I would throw up, I went to get my fare refunded and decided I would go to see the Harry Potter movie that I have wanted to see for about 3 weeks. I had a free ticket and wanted to use that. When I got there, they said I had to purchase the ticket online to get the free ticket. As I had 45 minutes until the next session, I sat down with my phone and tried to book the ticket online. 45 minutes later I still had not achieved this. So, I decided to go home. There was not much point staying there.


I did nap a bit once getting home and had some dinner. Now I'm thinking about putting up my Christmas tree. At least do something today that will be nice and turn out right.


I hope your day has turned out better than mine.

Some pics I found as I was looking for Christmas garland inspiration...

The first one is for Vicky.

She loves owls and I instantly thought of her when I saw this.

Isn't it so adorable??????

Then I saw this one. 

I've never seen an otter in real life, but this is just adorable. 

I feel like it is doing what many of us do with young children when we are encouraging them to say goodbye.

Sooooooooooooo beautiful!

images via pinterest

Weigh-In #8

I think I have missed a weigh-in somewhere, because next week the first 9 weeks (with the extension of the weeks I couldn't make it)of my weight-loss challenge is finished. 


This week I hadn't lost any weight, but hadn't gained any. My clothes were baggier so I thought I must have lost some weight - apparently not. Considering the extenuating circumstances of the previous two week, I was really happy with this. 


Typically, when i am distraught the first thing I reach for is comfort food - Especially cake. I only had a couple of small pieces over that time, so I was really pleased with myself. As things had been exceptionally busy the previous week, I was also happy that I had managed to keep my food pretty much on track.


So, one more week to go. I need to pump it up for the last few days. Tmw will be a hard day to do much as I have a lunch and dinner at church, but Monday and Tuesday I need to work hard at it. Both exercise and food.


Catch you soon!

Remember this?

I need to remember this now, more than ever.

I just want to hear from him. 

Speak to him.

And yes, be with him.

But the truth is, he never was mine.

image via weheartit

Advent: A time to prepare the heart.

How do you celebrate Christmas?

What does it remind you of?

During my time in the Uniting church I was introduced to the season of Advent: four weeks before Christmas to prepare you for that day.

It is something that I bought to my ministry in my current church, and each year endeavour to make a more central part of my Christmas preparations. I find that I get so busy leading up to Christmas that I don't get to do any of the enjoyable preparations for this event until the last days before Christmas.

I am determined to change this, this year. I want to enjoy the baking, the crafting and the decorating that comes with the season, but in doing these things preparing my heart for the coming of the King. Mayhaps it  will also place a salve on my wounded heart.

The first Sunday of Advent is tomorrow. In this first week, we celebrate Hope. Hope in the coming Messiah (as was long anticipated 2000 years ago and anticipated today, in his return to Earth). 

There truly is no other Being that can give the Hope that God does. He loves us so dearly, that he always has our best in his heart. Through great pain, he holds us, carrying us towards his glorious future.

In these last days, I have felt Him holding and sustaining me. He has placed friends around me, continually calling or offering to spent time with me. It has alleviated the pain in my heart when it has be broken most. Surely this is a practical expression of God's life-giving hope.

Look at your own life. Seek the moments God gives you each day that give you hope. 

See these moments as gifts from God, 

a practical

life-giving

gift!

HOPE

images via weheartit

RIP

Yesterday, at 6:10pm, I watched a man I've loved and care for, for many years drive away from me for the last time.
It has broken my heart.

I need God to find a way to mend it.

ROARRRRRRR!!!!!

Ok, so I might not be feeling that great today, 

but as I was going through my emails and deleting them I found this photo I was sent a little while ago. 

She thought I like it - and I do!

Birthday Fun-ness!!!!

It was Vicky's Birthday on Saturday ad I had the privilege of organising a party for this special friend!

She loves to be crafty and has a kind and generous heart, so she put these two things together deciding to create hanging owl decorations, that would be given to an orphanage to decorate for Christmas! Isn't she special?!?

So her friends came and enjoyed in lots of crafty goodness, lots of chatting and sharing afternoon tea together. Vicky and I made Hummingbird Cupcakes (from my crabapple bakery recipe book) and all her friends kindly bought lots of scrumdillyumptious food to eat!

Happy  Birthday Vicky! 

You are such a special person. 

Love you HEAPS!

Reminiscing

I visited Grandad last Wednesday.

We spent much of the day together in small moments which reminded us of Grandma.

I wanted to share the last moment of our day together.

As a child, I would go and stay with my grandparents for up to a week at a time. Grandma always had Nasturtiums in the garden, and I would bring in a bunch to give her.

Grandad has a couple of photos of Grandma around the house. He puts flowers in front of them. He allowed me to put a bunch of Nasturtiums in front of her photo as I left.

Weigh-In #6

A quick log in to say I lost 2 kgs over the last week!!! YAY!!!!!

So that is 8 kg over 7 weeks!

Ok, back to work.

Green with Envy

Ok... it isn't that serious - but I do love these chairs and their shade of green!

Image via Brabourne Farm

A Quick Post

This coming Sunday is Sunday School Anniversary at church. It is a time when we celebrate what the children have learned and they have the opportunity to worship with the adults. It is always a great day, but requires a mass of preparation to get everything ready. I actually feel ok this year. I still have a long list of things to do, but that list is shorter than the previous years as I've been working away at it for the last 3-4 weeks.


So as much as I would like to be on here posting what God shares with me in my life, I just may not get time to do it right away. So, apologies in advance and I hope to have some special things to share with you at the end of the week.

Images from home

My dancing orchids are sitting on top of my tallboy; perfect for me to view from my bed.

I woke up to this, this morning. 

Tarquin was sleeping next me - head on my pillow, paw resting on it.

So beautiful. 

I love Tarquie!

Dovecote sweetness

image via Brabourne Farm

Weigh-In #5

This week hasn't been great. It started off well. I did some really heavy and physical gardening. But I think the fact that my PT didn't want me to count it as cardio really made it hard. Anyway, I ended up having 5 days where I just didn't want to get out of bed and had absolutely no inclination to go and exercise. I also had Belgian waffles, bacon and maple syrup for brunch on Tuesday.Really bad. So... with all that, I should tell you that I didn't put any weight on, but I didn't really take any off. Apparently I lost 50 grams (amazing that the machines can weigh that).


So there, I've kept myself accountable to you.

I need to remember this one today

One of those days

It's one of those days again. 

It's been threatening for a few days, but today I just feel really low. 

I was even bad enough to throw the diet out of the window and have my favourite Belgian waffles with bacon and maple syrup for brunch today. 

I also splurged and bought a couple of stems of dancing orchids.

I'm looking forward to taking them home, to dance on my dining table and make me smile.

Replanted

I replanted my pot garden this afternoon. 

I wanted to plant some veggies, but knew that the next few months are going to be really hectic and in reality I won't have time to tend my little garden well enough to grow veggies well. 

So instead I have some double petunias and white lobelia seedlings. 

I can't wait to see them grow and bloom. 

I should end up with a feminine display outside my bedroom. 

My herb pot is looking well established. 

The oregano is starting to flow over the edge of the pot and the thyme is flowering. 

There is a gorgeous weeping violet like plant next to my herb pot that adds a lovely splash of purple.

It's nice to know that while I'm busy preparing for 

the Sunday School Anniversary, Advent Program, Summer Program and Kids Fun Days, 

I will have a lovely garden to come home to. 

One that doesn't need too much care, but will 

continually remind me of God 

and all the wonderful things 

he has created 

and 

given me.

I need some flower-lovliness to keep me going. 

I haven't go any fresh flowers on my work table at the moment, so thought I'd post some instead...

I have to admit I've been a little in love with the bouquets that small stump + studio choo are listing on their blogspot at the moment. 

Take a look!

images via small stump + studio choo

Weigh-In #4

Ok, so I'm a couple of days late... but I've been crazy busy.


This week I lost another kilo!!!!! So that makes a grand total of having lost 5.8 kgs in the last 4 weeks. I'm not planning on going looking for it either :)


This also means that I have achieved my goal weight for the 9 week program I am on. So my personal trainer and I decided to decrease the target weight by another 5 kilos. So that is 5 kilos more to lose in 5 weeks.


Keep giving me encouragement along the way and if you find any deliciously healthy foods or places to eat out there, let me know! (I'm not allowed to eat rice or pasta at the moment though... :( )

Vase Box

Look what God's been growing on my kitchen window sill. 

I've had it two years and this is the first time its flowered since I first bought it.

Miniature African Violets

Elegance and Beauty

So feminine...

So elegant...

So beautiful...

There isn't anything more to say...

images via Brabourne Farm

But it is so hard...

via weheartit

Vase Box

It's been a while since I've had a Vase Box, but today is the day!

After getting paid a portion of the money owed to me, I purchased a bunch of lilac for my flat. I've been waiting for a couple of weeks, both for the price to get lower and to have money.

I think I will have to have a lilac tree in my garden when I get my own place. 

Isn't it gorgeous???

Mr Gecko - Incognito

Two nights ago, I arrived home tired, but knowing that I needed to vacuum my floor and mop the kitchen and bathrooms. They were in desperate need  of a clean. As I walked toward my kitchen, I thought that there were more leaves on the carpet than I remembered. Upon turning on the light, look what I discovered...

Mr Gecko - INCOGNITO!!!!

He was about 10 cm long and at about the same time, Tarquin came out of his warm cocoon in my bedclothes to welcome me home. However on discovering Mr Gecko, found him far more interesting. So I rescued him and put him on a rock outside. Hopefully I will still see Mr Gecko around in the future. Just not on my carpet - I really don't want to step on him.

Weigh-In #3

Yesterday was my weigh in day. I had lost 0.8 kg over the last week. I wasn't enthralled, but at least I was still losing weight.
Each week it feels like it gets a little more difficult to maintain the diet. But I had a good conversation with Andy (my PT) and there was the agreement that my diet did not have to stay so restricted for the rest of my life, rather it is now to help me drop the weight. Once the weight is dropped, I can start re-introducing these things into my life, but I need to learn to do it in moderation and with thought.
There are so many things that require great thought at the moment. It is exhausting me. And I've had either a heavy head or a headache over the last 3 days. It's been a bit tough.
The most interesting reaction that Andy gave to my food diary this week was how I ate a teaspoon of bread & butter pudding. He wondered how I did that and shared that when out with a friend, instead of indulging in a cake with them (even though I had had a terrible day) I asked for a spoonful of their cake. They were happy to do that for me, it made me feel good to both get a little cake but also resist the urge to each a whole cake.
Anyway, please help me keep me accountable. 

Crazy Grass

It's so sweet to be emailed a photo from a friend of something that makes them think of you. 

Have a gorgeous friend that felt that the following resembled me 

(I don't know why?!?!?! :P)

 and decided that I need to have a picture of it!

Yeah... I am a little crazy.

Skin

Some things are meant to be

Now you've shown me the way

Got me thinking that maybe

Something just keeps telling me

If I gave you my word

Some things are meant to be.

'Skin' sung by Taxiride

More Animal Love - Tarquin

It was really nice to wake up this morning feeling ready to greet the world. I didn't bounce out of bed, but I felt ok. 

On mornings like this, 

with sun streaming through my bedroom window, 

I love to take a couple of extra hours at home before going into church to work. 

This morning it gave me the opportunity to just enjoy watching Tarquin have the life of a cat.

Sun-baking

Yawning and grooming 

I've really needed Tarquie around this week. He's been through so much with me.

It was also nice to go for a walk down some of the local streets, wander in the local nursery and look after my neglected veggie patch. I even managed to get into church at a reasonable hour!